I have previously written about the questionable taste and not-so-subtle racism of a product called Obama Waffles.  Well now, from the creators of Obama Waffles, comes Sarah’s Kickin’ Mooseburger Helper.

The website describes the product as such:

Each box of MOOSEBURGER HELPER contains snowflake and real moose-shaped pasta and a delicious Wisconsin cheddar cheese sauce. Just add moose meat for a robust treat. (City dwellers may substitute hamburger.) While feasting on a heaping helping, enjoy the playful political satire on the box.

I have nothing to add.

• Laughing Squid compares Krystal & White Castle.
• Chris Cooley’ is all about canned bacon.
• Uncle Brutha’s hot sauce now has a blog.
• Yumsugar asks what your favorite Halloween candy is.
• Parmageddon!
• Heat Eat Review tries Hormel Chili n’ Spuds.
• Eatfoo(d) makes crab cupcakes.
• Smitten Kitchen whips up meatballs and spaghetti.
• Cheese Underground is making potato salad.

How many Mountain Dew’s would that be exactly? I’m guessing somewhere between 1 and 1,460 depending on your passion for the beverage. Why am I speculating how much a year’s supply of the Dew is? Well because that’s one of the prizes Mountain Dew is offering for their contest for the best idea for a kick-off event to publicize the launch of the new Mountain Dew Voltage. Whoever suggests the best idea will win a trip for two to the launch event, and two runners-up will receive a years supply of the Dew.

Some of you may remember that Mountain Dew’s newest flavor was selected through an online vote of the people, in a project called “Dewmocracy.” Earlier in the summer I wrote about how, at the time, Voltage was winning in a landslide. Even though the product is already available in stores, Mountain Dew is still preparing for the official launch. You only have until October 14th to submit your idea, so if you have a hankering for a one year supply of Dew, get those suggestions in fast. Here are a couple amusing suggestions that have already been submitted:

Right. Um, ok then. That’s not so much a suggestion for a way to launch Voltage, as it is for a whole new product line: glow in the dark soda. I’m not sure I’d want to drink a soda that glows in the dark…..

There’s also this gem:

Ok…..well, that’s an interesting idea for a TV ad. But can you imagine actually attempting to do this live at a launch event? I’m pretty sure it’s quite difficult for a NASCAR driver to “kick” a case of soda with their tires and into the hands of an onlooker. This idea has all the makings of a catastrophic death caused by someone being hit in the head with a flying case of Mountain Dew - that would probably be bad PR.

Think you have an idea that could be a winner? Are you just flat out jonesing for a years supply of Dew? If so, feel free to submit your own idea at the DEWmocracy Voltage website.

Continuing So Good’s quest for global domination, or at least DC saturation, a quote from my post about Potbelly’s new sandwich was picked up by the Washington Express Blog Log this morning.  This seems like a good precursor to lead into my anti-ranch rant that I’ve had planned for a while.

I’m annoyed!  Seriously rattled.  I live in New York City, and we tend to have a lot of food fads here.  First it was cupcakes, everyone was going ga-ga for them.  I tried hard to get on the band wagon.  I went down to Magnolia Bakery (made famous by Sex and the City - something else I could never get into), I stood in line and I tasted the supposed cupcakes from heaven.  And honestly, I wasn’t impressed.

Sure, they were cute, but not worth a 20 minute wait.  Besides, to me cupcakes are a thing of childrens birthday parties.  At some point you graduate from cupcake to full blown cake - no?  Anyway, as fads go, cupcake shops sprang up everywhere.  New York went cupcake crazy!  Blogs were born, treats trucks were launched and cupcake aficionado’s could be found at every corner.  Thankfully, this trend soon subsided and we New Yorker’s went back to a normal existence.  A regular life free from “cupcakey” banter at water-coolers, and Sunday cupcake outings.  Sure there are still hangers on - people who desperately try to keep this trend alive - but for the most part, we’ve moved on.

[Read more →]

Potbelly’s has had success with keeping their menu simple and uncluttered. But just the other day, they announced the first new sandwich addition to their menu in over five years: The Clubby.

The Clubby will consist of ham, turkey, bacon, provolone cheese and ranch dressing.  The most interesting aspect of it though, is that Potbelly’s will be straying from their “all sandwiches for the same price” formula.  The Clubby will have 30% more meat than Potbelly’s 11 other sandwiches and will cost $5.39, compared with the standard $4.19 for their other sandwiches.

My thoughts? I have three.

1. Um….isn’t extra meat only $.50 or $1.00? And if so, doesn’t that mean this isn’t a particularly good deal in terms of the amount of meat you get?

2. Ham, Turkey, bacon, provolone? Sure, sounds yummy.  But ranch dressing? Ick. Keep that off my sandwiches. Ranch has a time and a place, and sandwiches ain’t it.

3. While the idea of a larger sandwiches at Potbelly’s is intriguing, I think their current sandwiches are perfect size for a meal, and I’m guessing most people agree.

It remains to be seen how the Clubby will do, but rest assured, I will be ordering a Wreck with the works just like I always do.

Apparently, things haven’t been gross enough the past few weeks.

While the goal of this column is not to see how much disgusting food I can consume, I do consider myself a woman of the people. People want gross, I will give them gross.

This one is a reader request. When I contract some sort of weird auto immune deficiency or grow a goiter ten years from now, I know I will have Peeparazzo to blame. I am not 100% convinced this isn’t going to have some sort of long lasting health effect on me. Damn you, Peep, for making me eat this Creamy Salsa…I shall never forgive you.

Smell: Oh, for the LOVE OF GOD. Upon popping the lid off this jar, you are immediately struck with a repugnant smell. Words cannot even describe how truly horrific it is, but I shall try. I subjected my friend FoxyMoron to to this taste testing fiasco. As soon as the jar popped open he suppressed a gag and declared that this “smelled like garbage”. I asserted that it smelled “like garbage at 4 am in an ally”. The scent was truly stomach turning. It smells like shattered dreams and dimmed rainbows.

Appearance/Texture: Look, I am not even going to sugar coat this… You know how when a cat hoarks up a hairball? And there is all that milky stuff around it? It looks like that, with a pink hue. Enough said.

Texture? Bad. Filmy. NOT GOOD. Do not put this in your mouth.

Taste: The taste was the “best” part of this. When I say “best”, I mean the least gag-inducingly horrible. Seeing as the label says “contains milk product”, I feel it could be much worse. Milk product!? That actually makes sense because it is reminiscent of salsa with cremora stirred in. It ain’t milk, but it sure is milky…kinda sorta.

Final verdict: I think the comparison to cat puke says it all. The smell and appearance alone is enough to make any sane and reasonable individual stop. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Run for your life. I implore you.

************************************************

Lemmonex writes almost daily about food, life, and the unbearable burden of being her at her blog, Culinary Couture.

• McDuff’s reviews Dogfish Head Brewing & Eats.
• Asylum discusses upscale mac & cheese.
• Domino’s is giving free sandwiches to anyone named Jared.
• Fast Food Critic reviews one of said Domino’s sandwiches.
• Cook’s Tour reviews Five Guys.
• Cindy’s Desktop suggests PB and J makeovers.
• Dolce Dente makes jalapeño potato salad.
• Pinch My Salt makes Banana muffins filled with cream cheese.
• Running with Tweezers makes homemade granola.

After I first proposed the idea of a pulled pork cheesesteak, but before I had even had a chance to make one myself, one of my favorite readers, Chef Mike, contacted me to share the version of the pulled pork cheesesteak that he had created.  Well, Chef Mike is at it again, sending in a photo from something he tried at the Virginia state fair: Pulled Pork Parfait.

Chef Mike descibred it as:

layered mashed potatoes, BBQ sauce (hickory brown sugar, by the taste of it) and pulled pork

Sounds delicious.  Although the idea of piling foods together like that reminds me of Patton Oswalt’s comedy bit on the KFC bowls, which he describes as a “sadness pile in a failure bowl.”

I’m gonna get right to the point: I can’t figure out how to put the accent over the “e” in Ole. So just deal with it.  No wait, that wasn’t the point.

I’m going to get right to my other point: This drink was awesome. I’d like to say something right up front: I am not a fan of energy drinks. I love me a Red Bull and Vodka on weekends, but under no circumstances outside of alcohol do I ever buy energy drinks. Frankly, besides Red Bull, I think most of them taste pretty gross - and many of them simply try and copy Red Bull, and do so poorly.

So when a representative of Ole Energy contacted me and offered to send me some free samples, I had a little bit of a chuckle. Whether I love or hate something, I’m going to say exactly what I think. So when a company sends me something not very good, they risk me totally excoriating their product, or blatantly making fun of their marketing campaign.

Since I don’t really care much for energy drinks, and gave a mixed review to AMP energy drinks, I assumed this would be an opportunity to rip another mindless addition to the energy drink market. But then something strange happened. I tasted it….and I really liked it. Then something else happened….I waited 10 minutes or so, and felt really, really awake and focused.

The best thing about it was it didn’t taste like all the other energy drinks. It tasted a little different, like it had its own thing, or its own flavor going. So what, exactly, did it taste like? Well I think Energy Drink Reviews has described it in much greater detail then I ever could:

Olé gets some major props for coming up with a unique flavor that has never been done before. The flavor is rich orange with notes of lemon. I like how the flavor stays rich, but shallow by not penetrating with an over tartness. Instead there is a sour aspect to it that stays on the tip of your tongue. Overlaid with the orange is a back note of peach and a little apricot that add some complexity. The sweetness is mild, but adds some minerality to the flavor to leave a clean feeling on your palette. No bitterness or crazy flavors here.

Damn. That’s a detailed taste description. According to Energy Drink Reviews, there may be a reason I felt so awake and alert after drinking it:

Olé brings the familiar ADX7 energy boosting technology to their energy drink. ADX7 is a mix of adaptogenic herbs designed to improve performance, help with stress, and stimulate the metabolism all with no crash.

Well ok then. I did feel energized and stress free.

Ole has not hit the national market yet. It’s being test marketed in Charlotte, NC, but should be unveiled on a wider scale very soon. Ole’s website is adorned with athletes and hot women wearing Ole gear and logos. It also automatically plays some pretty terrible music based off the “Ole” chant sung at sporting events so be sure to click “off” if you head to the site.

Anyways, bottom line? This shit was good. If you like energy drinks and you see it in a store near you, give it a shot.

I don’t know about you, but roomates offer up more than their fair share of trials and joys.  From the sharing of the bathroom to the washing of the dishes, even the best of friends can cling to your last nerve.  That’s why I was so excited when I saw this awesome little refrigerator: the flatshare fridge.

It’s made by Electrolux, and has four separate compartments, essentially giving each roomie their own fridge.  I like the design and the idea is certainly innovative- but there are a couple of caveats.  This fridge does a great job of compartmentalizing, but each section is so little… could you fit all your stuff in there?  Also when I had roomates we usually only had one carton of milk, one thing of eggs, one stick of butter,etc, etc.  We purchased these on a rotating basis so as not to let things go bad.

I’m up in the air on this one.  On the one hand; great gimmick and cute design, on the other it’s a little pointless.  Whatever happened to everyone getting their own shelf or just respecting each others food - I mean it’s not like these people are strangers!  They’re your roomates!  You chose to live with them.

Via Yumsugar.

I’ve written several times in the past about so called “products of convenience” that really aren’t convenient or where it is questionable that anyone is asking for them. But P.B. Slices a.k.a. “The Funner Peanut Butter” may take the cake as the most utterly ridiculous product I have seen yet.

My pal Brendan, over at Endless Simmer has brought this wonderful product to my attention, along with Thursday Night Smackdown. However, as JoeHoya of Capital Spice observes, we have the talented researchers at Oklahoma State University to thank for this creation.

Brendan refused to link to the company’s website, but you know what? I will. Why? For no other reason than to alert you to the fact that their slogan is “The Funner Peanut Butter.”

Now putting aside the fact that “funner” isn’t even a word, what exactly makes these peanut butter slices more fun then regular peanut butter? Is it the fact that you have to remove them from cellophane wrapping? That you can roll them up or wrap them around things? I always thought the most fun part of peanut butter was that it was a little messy. Plus, it’s one of the few foods you can eat out of the jar without feeling THAT guilty.

So what would you use these P.B. Slices for?  Well the website has a couple suggestions:

On waffles or pancakes? Really? Is that a thing? Do people actually eat peanut butter on those products?  Also, I would be failing to do my job properly if I didn’t point out the ridiculousness of the picture that accompanies that list.  Dude, that girl is LOVING her mom right now.  Why? Probably because her mom bought her P.B. slices. Note to parents: if you don’t buy P.B. slices for your kids, they will most likely stop loving you.  That’s right, nothing says “I’m a good parent” like teaching your kids to be as lazy as possible when it comes to meal assembly, and to always, always, go with the pre-packaged, preservative laden “convenient” form of any food.

My friends over at A Hamburger Today and Serious Eats have assembled something so genius it even rivals my pulled pork cheese steak creation.  What is this glorious creation? The Hamburger Fatty Melt.  A burger patty with two grilled cheese sandwiches serving as the buns.

Apparently it’s a slight variation on something called the “Chubby Melt” which a Serious Eats reader noted was served at the Mossy Creek Cafe.  My hat is off to you A Hamburger Today and Serious Eats.  Well Done.  Well done indeed.

This past weekend I had the opportunity to go to the Austin City Limits music festival in Texas. Most people went for the three days of music - 8 stages and 130 bands. This is mostly why I went. However, outside of seeing Vampire Weekend, David Byrne, Gnarls Barkley and Robert Plant among many others - I was there for the food. Now you might be saying, what kind of chow could an event like that possibly have that rises above a funnel cake, cotton candy or deep fried twinkie? However, I knew going in that this was going to be a different scene - I had read that all of the food would be local and “quality.” Then I knew they meant business when I read: “No turkey legs.”

Over three days, I sampled food ranging from pulled pork sandwiches to tomato/mozzarella/pesto salads. Across the boards, the food was super tasty and run like no other big event I have ever been to.

A couple highlights:

The Chicken Cone - Definitely the best thing I ate at the festival. Here is the description: “Breaded in a mixture of almonds, sesame seeds, corn flakes, chile flakes and sugar, then fried and placed in a tortilla lined with a slaw that includes jalapeño and mango.” The chicken was crispy, but tender inside, and the spiciness of the crust mixed quite well with the sweetness of the slaw.

This treat was made by a restaurant called Hudson’s on the Bend, which is actually a fine dining restaurant in the Austin area. The booth:

Read more about the Austin City Limits food after the jump.

[Read more →]

“NEW!” screams the box of High School Musical Cereal.

That one word caught my eye. This doesn’t seem to be a limited edition cereal or a promotion with an expiration date, but a NEW! edition to the Kellogg cereal family. Does the company think that High School Musical really has staying power? Do they think, 15 years from now, my children will sing along to timeless classics such as “Bop to the Top” and “Get’cha Head in the Game?” The marketing of this product intrigued me more than anything; I needed to see if this was a cereal that could endure the test of time.

Smell: There was none, which interestingly enough, would prove to be very prophetic.

Texture/Appearance: Texturally, the mouth feel of this cereal is exactly like Cap’n Crunch. The cereal is shaped like stars, with about two-thirds a yellowy-orange color while the remaining stars are a pinkish red. Most noteworthy is the white colored specks covering every piece of cereal. I am assuming these flecks represent vanilla  as the cereal is described as “sweetened vanilla-flavored corn cereal packed with STAR POWER!” Of course, vanilla flavor must be visually represented, yes?

Taste: So, lets get back to the description on the box…sweetened vanilla-flavored corn cereal packed with STAR POWER! What, pray tell, does star power taste like? I was actually excited to learn the flavor of star power; how would blood, sweat, tears and gumption feel on my tongue? Apparently, STAR POWER! is tricky wicket; this cereal tasted like nothing. Seriously, it had a very mild sweet flavor, but it was pure sugar. The vanilla-flavoring was asleep at the wheel and while the cereal felt like Cap’n Crunch, it sure didn’t taste like it. I was absolutely baffled at the lack of…taste.

Final Verdict: No amount of STAR POWER! can save this garbage. Just like High School Musical, it is bland and lacking in anything original. I would say this cereal stays on the market for about as long as Zac Efron is the next big thing.

**********************************************************

Lemmonex writes almost daily about food, life and her unwavering allegience to pigz in blanketz on her blog, Culinary Couture.

I love animals. Really, I do. I grew up with pets and fully embrace their cuddly cuteness. Unfortunately the people of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) have taken it too far. PETA wrote Ben and Jerry’s a letter requesting that they replace the cows milk used to make their ice cream with breast milk. Yes, you read that correctly - BREAST MILK!!!

The nutcases over at PETA argue that it is healthier for us to consume breast milk, and that using cows for their milk is inhumane. First of all, if I am going for healthy, Ben and Jerry’s probably wont be my first stop. And secondly, inhumane to the cows… what about the women?! I guess PETA has no problems with milking women?

I was hoping this was a joke, but jokes on me because this is totally serious. I’m just praising the folks over at Ben and Jerry’s for remaining sane and unswayed by Peta’s craziness. I know I certainly would not buy ice cream made from breast milk. Eww, just, eww.

via wptz and Cold Mud.

Thanks to our friends at Comsumerist, one of the most dangerous food items in existence has been brought to light. Baskin-Robbins, previously know for their famous 31 flavors and widespread presence across this country, has created something that surely must be sponsored by the American College of Cardiology.  If you have not heard, it is the Heath Bar Shake. (Dum, dum, duummmmm - somewhere, a thunderbolt crashes). It is hard to get a grasp of exactly how bad this thing actually is until you see the nutritional info. Let’s go to the numbers…

Exhibit #1: the shake

2,310 Calories
108 g Fat (64 g Saturated/2.5g Trans)
266 g Sugar
Cholesterol 295mg

Now, these numbers may not make alot of sense without context, although pretty much everyone knows that the basic recomended daily diet consists of around 2,000 calories - and this is 300 more than that.  That said, I thought a fitting barometer might be the famous Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

Exhibit #2: the burger

510 Calories
40g Fat (61 g Saturated/1.5g Trans)
9 g Sugar
Cholesterol 90mg

While the calories of the shake are clearly beyond the scope of human reasoning - in that they are 4.5 times more than a QPw/C - I also find the sugar and cholesterol levels facinating. First, how much sugar is 266g, you might ask.  How about over 1 cup, or almost 19 tablespoons!  Gross.
On the cholestol front, the shake has 3.25 times more than that fatty cheesy burger.  Wow.

Is this what we’ve resorted to as a culture?  Death by shake?  All I know is that you better stay away from here:

*Also thanks to Foodio54 for naming this the ‘Worst Drink in America”.

The King is back! A lot of the Burger King ads with the King have missed the mark, but I’m a big fan of the new “reverse pick pocket” ads running right now. Intended to promote the new BK wrappers, they are humorous and a fun way to get across the point of saving money.

The King on his day off

Click below the fold to check out the ad.

[Read more →]

The suggestions for disgusting/bizarre/odd things for me to eat have been rolling in. I have done a few and welcome them all. So, while my stomach may not thank you, I do.

Yet, sometimes, I don’t need your suggestions. There is plenty of random stuff out there for me to just stumble upon on my own, when I am out minding my own business. For instance, during a quick dash in to CVS this weekend, I stumbled upon these Cheetos of the Crunchy Jalapeño Cheddar variety. I picked them up, pondered them, and wondered “Who eats this stuff?” I was then quickly reminded that I write a column to explore such things. I am smart like that…so here are my thoughts.

Smell: Fake cheese smell…gross, processed, mildly stale fake cheese smell. I have come to know this smell well. It is becoming and old and familiar friend.

Texture/Appearance: What an apt moniker these “treats” have. These Cheetos are, indeed, quite crunchy. Frankly, I am more of a fan of the regular, non-crunchy Cheetos ( or even better, Jax…oh, how I adore Jax), but there was nothing inherently objectionable about the texture. The appearance? Kinda lumpy and bumpy and speckled with red dots. They look like they need a trip to the doctor. The specks make sense when you read the ingredient list; these Cheetos are made with “jalapeño chili powder”.

Taste: These are not all that spicy, yet they do manage to have a bit of a slow burn afterward. Flavor wise, my roomie hit the nail on the head: they taste like Doritos. This prompts the question: Cheetos, why did you replicate a flavor that already exists? And after said replication, why did you call it jalapeño flavor? These do not taste like jalapeños; these are merely cheetos with heat. Jalapeños actually have a flavor besides containing heat, but you sure don’t experience that flavor here.

Final Verdict: These were fine. Yet, plenty of things in this world are fine. I don’t want fine. I want wonderful. You know what is wonderful? Doritos. Eat those.

*****************************************************

Lemmonex writes almost daily about food, life, and her undying love for anything animal print on her blog, Culinary Couture.