I’m going to start this rant by saying something that people need to acknowledge, but seem instinctively unwilling to do: Pepperoni pizza is not that good. I mean, yeah, it’s good, but it’s not THAT good. Seriously, it’s not. If you think it is, it’s time to get over it, and get over yourself. Wake your boring ass taste buds up, there are many delicious pizza options out there, and the pizza world doesn’t revolve around pepperoni.

pepperoni-pizza

If pizza is high quality, a mere slice of cheese is delicious. If pizza is mediocre, I understand the need to add toppings. But I have news for you pepperoni: you ain’t all that and a bag of chips. Pepperoni, while ok, is simply NOT good enough to have earned it’s place as the default pizza order of choice on merit alone. Hell no. I believe it has earned that place through process of elimination, unadventurous American taste buds and dumb luck. It’s cheap, it’s meaty, it’s salty, and it adds additional flavor to an otherwise bland pizza. But you know what? So does sausage. But sausage just doesn’t look good in photos like pepperoni does, so pizza places don’t advertise the shit out of it.

Seriously, at what point did we decide that when a group of people are ordering pizza, that pepperoni, along with cheese, is the default choice for the group? The answer: a long ass time ago. When I was a kid and you had a pizza party, you ordered cheese and pepperoni. No other options were considered. No one ever thought to question the conventional wisdom by saying, “hey, how about a veggie pizza?” or “wouldn’t sausage be better than pepperoni?” or dare I even suggest it, but, “how about a pineapple or Hawaiian pizza?’

When you are ordering pizza with a group of 8 people, and someone says, “ok, lets get two cheese and two pepperoni”, do you say to yourself, “perfect! Just what I wanted”? Or do you secretly think “well I don’t want to mess up the order, but if I had my choice I would prefer X, Y or Z instead”? Well guess what? You aren’t 12 anymore. You are allowed to eat pizza besides pepperoni, even advocate for the ordering of a pizza besides pepperoni.

Here’s the dirty little secret of pizza ordering: while you are thinking that you would prefer something besides cheese or pepperoni, so are at least 50% of the other people in the group. But frequently, no one says anything because no one wants to rock the boat or be seen as “difficult.” This probably stems from a time (our childhood, the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s etc) when there were fewer vegetarians out there, almost no vegans, and fewer interesting topping choices to choose from.

So I am here to declare: if I could have my way, the era of pepperoni pizza would be over. OVER. With your help we can knock pepperoni pizza from its undeserved throne as the go-to pizza option after cheese. Yes, with your willingness to speak out, and a little elbow grease, we can end the tyranny of pepperoni pizza and return it to its rightful place: off the “default pizza” pedestal and back onto the list of general topping choices with everyone else, which frankly, is where it belongs. Pepperoni pizza is not special, it is not above criticism and it is not deserving of protected status.

82 Responses

  1. Raiders757

    @ Cary

    “et’s see, you try to bite through a pepperoni and you end up pulling the entire piece AND a lot of extra cheese.”

    I make my own pizza from scratch. If this happens to you, your not ordering your pizza from a quality shop.

    I slice my own pepperoni, and slice at a thickness that will give when bit into. I never have the problem you describe when making my own pepperoni pizza. Presliced pepperoni is the culprit in your case, and this more than likely means your shop doesn’t use the freshest toppings it can get.

    Reply
  2. TheGoldenPoo

    Do a google image search for “sausage pizza”, see which pizza looks more appetizing, any of the turd droplet pizzas or that pepperoni covered pizza in your rant.

    Reply
  3. Eick

    Exactly Golden Poo. That’s one of the things I made sure to note in my rant – pepperoni simply looks more appealing than sausage visually, which makes it easier to promote and advertise, thus fueling higher sales.

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  4. Cary

    @Raiders: Look, we’re talking about the great fallback pizzas people ORDER. Not make by hand. Huge difference. I wish everyone hand-cut their pepperoni, but they don’t. That’s a pipe dream, friend.

    And it’s called a small sample size. Because the pizzas you make for yourself at home aren’t susceptible to the “pepperoni yank” doesn’t mean the thousands of pizzas chains are low quality.

    Millions of people eat at Pizza Hut, Papa John’s, and Little Caesar’s(?). Does that make them peasants who don’t know the difference between good and bad pizza? Because that’s what you’re getting at.

    Reply
  7. Betty

    Big Sausage Pizzas is definitely the way to go.

    “I don’t want fruit on my pizza”

    Tomato is a fruit.

    Reply
  8. amber

    what the fuck? you sound so retarded. if you don’t like things on your fucking pizza, then don’t get it! shut the fuck up and let people order what they want.

    Reply
  9. Eick

    Exactly Amber. People should shut the fuck up and let people order what they want instead of always insisting that pepperoni be the default ordering choice. You have proved my point brilliantly.

    Reply
  10. Waydo from South Clare F.C.

    Pepperoni pizza is a true winner dickhead ! Have you ever ordered Pepperoni with garlic, chilli, pineapple or herb. Pepperoni is an important icon of Italian food and is a great meat basis for pizza , pasta etc ! Pepperoni is great ! I love pepperoni and its varieties !

    Reply
  11. Danielle

    “Hawaiian can not, nor will it EVER replace pepperoni as a staple “group pizza””

    Actually, in Australia, Hawaiian pizza is probably the most popular. Pepperoni is hella popular too, but I personally don’t like it. It’s so…grisle-y.

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  12. Pat

    To Eick: Blasphemer! As an American of Sicilian descent, I take personal umbrage at your insults. I challenge you to a duel. Three-foot pepperoni sticks at dawn. If I win, we both eat every crumb of our sticks. If you win, I just eat mine. either way it’s a win-win situation for me. Down with all vegetarians and vegans. Pass laws to make meat-eating mandatory!

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  13. Pat

    Danielle: That’s what makes it so good. You are obviously not of Sicilian blood.

    Reply
  14. chris

    Pepperoni sticks are delicious. Just like Ricks said; ” HOLY FUCK THATS SOME GOOD PEPPERONI!” .

    Reply
  15. Nicolas R

    I agree; pepperoni is not that great. Pizza with tomatoes, oregano and extra cheese is good. Bacon and pineapple is good too. Garlic is good. Bacon and dried prunes is so good. Sausage is good.

    Reply
  16. Jason

    Wow, a lot of people have thoughts on this. But yes, pepperoni is just salty and fatty and brings a pizza down in my opinion.

    Reply
  17. iLOVE_PIZZA

    I’m mad azz hell iwrote a bigazz paragraph and then it didn’t work when isubmitted it -.- iwas gonna tell you OFFFF on how you hating on that delicious pepperonii , seriously go get a job ………….

    Reply
  18. Jenny

    i hate pepperoni. i hate spicy things so i always get cheese even though i would like to try other things once in a while

    Reply
  19. Brian

    Pepperoni on pizza is like mustard on pastrami, all right? It’s the way the world does it, it’s the number-one, go-to toppping. Eat your pizza any way you want, and put mayonaise on your pastrami, too, it’s a free country, but lay off the pepperoni, man, cuz Ricky’s right, holy fuck that’s good pepperoni!

    Reply
  20. This Blog Sucks Ass

    What is the point of this article? I mean it’s really stupid to criticize ordering choices when I’m sure you have money and vocal cords and can order what you want. What the fuck do you care if strangers on the internet eat Pepperoni Pizza or dog’s testicles for that matter. The first comment is right, you sound like a snob, and over absolutely nothing.

    Reply
  21. Michelle

    I’m 15 and I must say my favorite pizza is Pepperoni. I like meat lovers, with the ham and sausage and PEPPERONI. But thats a bout it. I don’t like cheese pizza or any others. Btw your rant is pointless.. If I like Pepperoni pizza and think that it’s the best in the world, so be it. Just because you don’t think its all that in a bag of chip doesn’t mean I don’t.. Just so you know, Pepperoni is the only thing I get when pizza shopping. So this was a waste of your typing skills, and mine, to put something about pizza that you think isn’t good enough to be called the best.. Just so you know, that is.. (No offense intend in my words.) Domo arigato gozaimasu(Thank you very much in japanese) {Bows}

    Reply
  22. Jay

    Its not that big of a deal. Don’t order something you don’t like. Period. How long did it take you to write this? If you spent more than a half hour on it you have no life. You must be big and fat to carry on a topic so stupid as pizza toppings. No one really cares what you think of pizza.

    Reply
  23. CROSS

    First off, ordering a cheese pie is the way to go. you can taste the crust/ sauce/ cheese without any interuptions. If you like all of the above, venture out!! Besides all of that, a pepperoni pizza is the basic crust/ sauce/ cheese/ and yes pepperoni. If you like all of the above, venture out!! Secondly, pepperoni pies are by far the most popular whether you are twelve years of age or older. They just simply work. Cheese or Pepperoni?? Both. After that, maybe find out what others may like (mushroom?). Remember though the Vegy pie costs more. “A mere slice of cheese is delicious” as you said yourself. Let them eat pepperoni and forget about it:)

    Reply
  24. John

    Silly australian, you people don’t even have real pepperoni here… It’s an American invention, you guys put shitty salami on it

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  26. Emerson

    Pepperoni is easily my least favorite topping, like it less than anchovies, pineapple and squirrel parts.

    Reply
  27. JustForThisArticle

    Are you seriously ranting over something as stupid as this? Sure, if you don’t like pepperoni, whatever, I don’t care what you like. But you don’t have to criticize the people who like it. I personally love pepperoni plain, but not on pizza.

    Reply
  28. Roni

    It’s people like you that takes the fun out of appreciating the simple things in life. I have been to pizza parties and everything from Pesto veggie to every damn thing on the combo. The first thing to go is the Pepperoni and I’m left with some damn Avant Garde crap nobody wants including the bastard that wanted it. I love Hawaiian, meat lovers but when all that other stuff comes out, it’s overbearing like eating a sloppy hot salad. Most people order Pep cause anything else will differ from place to place. I’ve had so much bad pizza, I hated it and avoided it for a year. Good simple flavor has no age level.

    Reply
  29. Peperoni

    Misuse of the Italian word for peppers to mean a third rate fake salami shows just how absolutely stupid Americans are.

    Reply

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