So Good Time Machine: Retro Halloween Ads

For your enjoyment, please have at a plethora of Halloween themed magazine and newspaper advertisements, spanning those quaint decades before the internet and cable television ruined children.

A simpler era when you weren’t afraid to hand out apples to a group of costumed kids at the door,  in fear they would burn your house to the ground. Yes, a time when those standing before you, pillow case agape, would actually say “Trick of Treat!” instead of a today’s lazily muttered demand for candy before shuffling away into the dead of night and egg passing cars.

Click on any of these old school masterpieces for the bigger picture!

The kids weren’t very happy as I poured a serving of Kool-aid into each of their trick or treat bags.

Crisco: Double creamed for your pleasure.

That’s right kids, the scariest thing you can see on Halloween! A recommended serving of fruit and/or vegetables.

Nothing creepier than miniature Wiccan bears.

Oh My Gourd! Lobotomy punch.

Please remember, don’t drink & carve.

I didn’t know Reddi-Wip was the official tie in product to Halloween III: Season of the Witch.

Remember when there used to be cool stuff on the back of cereal boxes? Now it’s all “Save the Planet” tips and Eco trivia. Damn Hippies.

If anyone can turn pumpkins into a party, it’s Aunt Jemima.

Hey, lets give glass bottles of pop out to kids this year! This should end well for everyone.

Wait, you’re giving out individual cereal packs!? Can I meet your robot maid Irona while I’m here?

Back when the prizes weren’t Bazooka Joe comic quality.

Full size candy bars are always a good F you to all the other housewives in the neighborhood and their home made candy apples.

Nightmare Fuel. Double your psychiatrist bill is more like it.

Fittingly, Karo syrup would go on to be a staple ingredient in fake blood used in Horror movies.

Who gives out bread slices for Halloween? The Amish, that’s who.

You’d need to market the Hell out of a candy which features “Clove” as one of its flavors.

Nobody ever went back to another Halloween party at Johnny’s house after his drunk Mom set up that ” Bobbing for Wieners” table.

Product placement trumps squashed produce & broken eggs. That Bagger at the Stop n Shop was fired shortly after.

Freshness checker for candy corn? Isn’t the shelf life on that stuff the same as a Cockroach Twinkie?

DISHONORABLE MENTION: HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM BIG TOBACCO