I Try It So You Don’t Have To: Peanut Punch

I was milling around the store today, trying to find something gross, and after giving up and checking out with my regular purchases I found a display of Nestle Peanut Punch right at the cash register.

Given that this was going to be sweet, I was sure it wasn’t something I was going to enjoy. But I couldn’t quite wrap my head around this flavor combination. Chocolate milk, strawberry milk, heck even mint chocolate milk, all make sense. Peanut milk just didn’t compute. This stuff is like an allergy bomb waiting to go off; if you could somehow aerosolize this stuff on an airplane it would be far more dangerous than any stupid snakes. According to the package it is also not a safe replacement for breast feeding, in case you were wondering.

I popped the straw in and squirted some out into a glass for a good smell and a color check. It smelled very much like boiled peanuts with a hint of sweetness. All my hopes of a delicious roasted peanut smell were dashed by the stink of stale, oddly soapy peanut mush. The color was just a pale brown.

The taste was just nasty. If someone pureed a bunch of unsalted boiled peanuts and whipped it into some sweetened whole milk, you would be close. It was very thick and clung to my tongue in a very unpleasant fashion. The peanut flavor was very strong but it wasn’t the good roasted salty peanut flavor. Instead  it was the “Oh my goodness I just took a huge handful of stale dry peanuts and jammed them into my mouth and tried to wash them down with sweetened condensed milk” kind of experience.

I will have to admit my aversion to sweets did not help with this tasting at all, but even without the sweet is was just a bad texture and flavor all together.

Peanut Punch gets a “you don’t have to” from me.